Why Try

Why try.

It’s not rhetorical. I mean it as a real question that I can’t seem to answer anymore. You put in the effort, you push through, you do the things you’re supposed to do — and the world keeps being exactly what it was before. Nothing shifts. Nothing rewards you for showing up. The trying doesn’t move anything.

And yet I still do it. Some part of me keeps showing up even when I’ve told it not to bother. Some stubborn, stupid part that won’t let me fully stop. I used to call that strength. Now I’m not sure what to call it. Maybe just inertia. Maybe the body doing what it learned before the mind caught up with the truth.

But lately even that’s been fading. The trying has gotten quieter. Less effort. Less reaching. I used to fight to stay engaged — now I just let things pass. It’s calmer this way. Nothing to lose if you stopped expecting anything. I don’t know if that’s peace or surrender.

I don’t think it matters much anymore.

Maybe that’s the answer. Not an answer at all. Just the question getting too tired to ask itself.